Till my Heartache End

How can you prove your love? A certain question that makes me laugh, it’s really simple yet it makes me feel so down. Answering this kind of question is not that hard to think that I know if I answer this question, lots of things will happen. So this will be my answer "I can prove it by marrying you" together we will share everything together but something tells me that it’s not the right time. Way back then, almost 3 years ago I said to myself that we have a right love at the wrong time but as the day goes on I never tried to stop myself loving this person even if I don't have a chance to talk to him, for real. I never hated him for making me cry nor making me feel doomed but everyday my love for him goes stronger as ever, I’m so happy that after the long wait my dreams comes into existence. Everything as I woke up I keep on thanking God for having him in my life, thanking for all the blessing that God has given to my family and the people around us.

Yes, I want everything settled but I think he got it all wrong cause actually I'm preferring it to my family. I was known because of my kind heart, I feel pity for those unfortunate people who used to sleep the streets having nothing, nothing to it. Sometimes I used to save some of my money in order for me to buy something for them. Sharing is a way of love and a simple smile and thank you from them makes my heart grew founder. But wait, I can still feel the emptiness in my heart. I want to make myself happy but I just can't. I want to share the rest of my life to the person I love but what will happen to my family when I'm gone? I don't want to see my mom cry for the second time around, I don't want to see my dad being criticized by his relatives and the people around us, I don't want to broke my parents heart, I don't want to stop my siblings in their dreams and I don't want to lose the love of my life.

Pathetic, it seemed that my tears were melting my heart. Making me feel restless and sick. I don't want to cry but my stupid tears are keep on falling, I'm tired of crying, I'm tried to explain, I'm tried to make things right. I'm emotionally and physically tired.

The Purpose Given

Every morning I woke up, I used to ask myself why I'm alive, to do such boring and tiring things. There's no reason for me to smile but instead I smile a lot, to think that as I wake up I remember how will my boyfriend will look like seeing me alive and kicking. Plus my niece, family and friends who's always here for me in good and bad times. My life is totally boring but who cares? even though that I feel bored sometimes I am still happy and thankful for what God gave to me, he gave me someone that I can rely on, someone that makes me think and experience how beautiful life really is. On the day onwards, it seemed that I'm addicted to him, I used to tease and play tricks, sometimes I accidentally said something disgusting and sarcastic but I really didn't mean it, it’s just me and my big mouth.

After almost three years here I am now, still me-thin and clumsy. I don’t have any idea what to do to think that I’m just nothing, all alone, restless, useless and stupid. No ever cared for me, how I wish that someday someone will ask me if I’m okay but as the day goes I just keep on pretending, pretending that everything is all fine. Yes I’m a hypocrite but no one can blame me cause everything I do has its own reasons and purpose.